O500 Otomix Baggy Workout Gym Pants - American Flag

grab my arm. my other arm
Now I'm gonna break the wrist and wlk away... break the wrist and walk away.... you see what I did there?

The new "IN"
Who needs tight gym clothes to show your sculpted abs and triceps? These Otomix Baggy Workout Gym Pants offer three main benefits. First, even if you're the smallest and most fragile person ever, you can hide under these pants and display your lunging skills in the gym. Nobody will see the size of your muscles when you can add padding to buff yourself up under this garment; believe me, people stare in awe at the muscle mass I have "built." Second, tight workout clothes are a nuisance and uncomfortable. In tights, I feel like I'm wrapped around by rubber bands with blood circulation being restricted. However, these baggy pants provide the ultimate comfort of loose clothing while keeping me warm in the winter weather. Baggy pants also keep a thicker layer of air between the body and the cold air, thus providing a great source of insulation. Third, these baggy pants are not just any baggy pants: these have the symbol of our beloved country printed on them! What more can represent your gratitude to the nation than proudly displaying these stripes and stars flapping back and forth when you run, do push-ups, or even do yoga outside with the wind blowing the baggy pants around. With tight pants, I could never have the stars and stripes naturally waving freely around me, reminding me of the gratitude I have for liberty and freedom to wear anything I want. Believe me, I shed many pounds wearing these pants; perhaps they can do the same for you. But keep in mind, wash these pants every once in a while--they can collect an unpleasant stench after a few workout sessions.

The Pants of Joey Buttafuoco
Why not collect them all? These 100% accurate reproductions of the exact baggy pants made famous by Long Island socialite and celebrity Joey Buttafuoco can be yours for far, far less than you'd think! For only pennies a day, the pants Joey Buttafuoco wore on his perp walk can be yours to own! Yes! To own! Your Very Own Baggy Pants! Just like Joey's! You will be the certain envy of your friends and neighbors! For only pennies a day. Some would pay twice as much! Some ten times! For this very once in a lifetime offer! These are not just any pants! These are the pants that drove Amy Fisher crazy! Yes, It's true! She was driven to her crime of passion by these very pants! Not since 1992 have pants like these been made available to so many for so little! Originally only available to auto mechanics working in Baldwin, Nassau County, New York, these pants though a very exclusive arrangement with Otomix can now be yours! For only pennies a day! Amazing, unbelievable features: 1) The fabric is knit not woven so it will bend and stretch with your every move and motion! Just like your favorite pair of Superman footed pajamas. Remember them? How comfortable and cozy they were! These pants will be just as stretchy. Especially in the knees and butt! Really, really stretchy and oh so very roomy! Every part of you will hang free! Imagine! Free! 2) The fabric is knitted from 50/50 Poly/Cotton. A fact so very important the manufacturer has listed it not once but twice! How very amazing! Twice! And listen, we are all aware of the unbelievable qualities of Polyester! How it pills, how it doesn't breathe, how it absorbs sweat, how it shows stains, how it looks after a few washings. And, it's not just 10% or even 20%......it's 50%! 50% Polyester! For just a few pennies a day! 3) The waist band is a humongous 3" wide! That is just so much more than 2" its just amazing! And there is a draw cord! Which you can actually pull to tighten. To keep your pants up. There is a cord which you can tighten and then tie! It is completely your choice whether to tie a bow or a knot. You can even tie a bow and then a knot. At the very same time! That's the kind of versatility we have here! Imagine a bow and a knot for only a few pennies a day! 4) There are seams on the sides of these pants and there are actually pockets that have been sewn into these seams! A very generous one pocket per each side seam! One pocket on the left and a pocket on the right! Two side pockets! On the left and on the right too! The things you can do! Why you can even put things into these pockets.......even, yes, your hands! You can put your very hands in these pockets! You can even put the huge amount of money you have saved by buying these pants into these pockets! You can even walk around or sit with things in these pockets! 5) These pants actually taper at the cuffs so that the cuffs are narrower, much narrower than the upper leg. So much, much narrower! What an amazing fashion look! Just like Aladdin! Just like Joey! How can anyone resist such narrow ankle cuffs? I know I can't! Ask Amy Fisher! She'll tell you! These very narrow cuffs are babe magnets! And you can easily tuck these narrow cuffs into the top of your socks to prevent snakes and scorpions from climbing up your leg. A very thoughtful feature. 6) Never again confuse right from left, port from starboard, day from night, blonde from brunette, right from wrong! Each leg has thoughtfully been rendered in a completely different color and pattern! Yes, each leg is completely different! One is blue with stars the other is red and white stripes! Imagine! This is the very same learning aid used by experts on Dancing With The Stars! This very easy to learn trick can be yours for only pennies a day! Imagine mastering right from left in only a few easy lessons! With these very pants! For only pennies a day! 7) American flag pattern goes with anything in your closet. It is so very easy to accessorize! And it can be worn at any time of year or during any occasion! Whether work or workout! So very versatile! To complete your outfit why not snap up a snazzy Three Wolves Tee shirt or the exact replica of the "Complete Auto Body & Fender "logo Tee Shirt made so very popular by Joey and Amy back in 1992? Either way, you're a knockout!

I Love America; I Love Meat Sticks.
What they don't tell you is that the two side seam pockets will neatly hold up to 24 Slim Jims.

NOT FOR WIMPS!!
I saw a picture of these pants online and they spoke to me. They said clearly, and in a low gravelly voice that stank of stale cigarettes, "You better buy me NOW or I'm going to drop kick your puny hiney into the next county, maggot!...You'll be crapping my shoelaces for a month and have to yawn just to wipe your behind! Now drop and give me 20!!!" Being the inferior physical specimen that I am, what choice did I have? Besides, the drawcord to these pants had already snaked out of the USB jack on my computer and had wrapped itself around my 14" neck. There was also a vague threat voiced by the striped side of the pants about "harsh" interrogation techniques that would be involved if I tried to return them I felt obliged to spring for next day air, so less than 24 hours later I was greeted by the (old) glory of this polyester blend. They're good looking pants, very comfortable and fit well. I am no longer mistaken for a commie [...] when walking down the street with my pit bull. The only reason I don't give them five stars is they have a tendency to be abusive when they come home late from the bar and have been drinking.